In heterosexual relationships, most abuse happens to women by their male partners. (Although women can certainly be emotionally abusive to their female partners or male partners.) Emotional abuse, like physical abuse, is used to control, demean, harm or punish a woman. While the forms of abuse may vary, the end result is the same - a woman is fearful of her partner and changes her behavior to please him or be safe from harm.

Many people think that emotional abuse is not as serious or harmful as sexual or physical abuse. Women state that this is not true, and that the biggest problem they often face is getting others to take emotional abuse seriously. Many women feel that they 'deserve' the treatment they are being dealt. Their partners make them feel inferior. "You can't make it without me." A lot of times the victims of emotional abuse are called terrible names, and made to feel so insignificant and small, they just don't know how to get out and away from the abuse.

It is my opinion that those who abuse just have not come to terms with their own past emotional issues. Whether it is insecurities they haven't dealt with in their lives, or the need to maintain complete control of their world, they will rob you of your freedoms in order to feel better about themselves. They will attempt to achieve power by lowering your self-worth, because they are threatened by you, don't understand, or respect you.

If you love someone who is being emotionally abusive this makes things SO HARD. You might feel as if you are on a roller coaster. One minute you love this person, He/she is wonderful! Life is good. Seconds later that same person can reduce you to feeling the size of an ant. I have been there. I have suffered through emotional abuse as a child and as an adult. Some of the long term affects can cause detachment, isolation, the feeling of being unreal or cold to the world. (disassociation) It lowers self worth and esteem. Past memories may be hazy or entire portions of a persons past may not even be accessible. (Repressed memories!) "Unresolved feelings from emotional abuse are the major cause of mental challenges in our country, including anxiety, panic attacks, stress, depression and OCD." (Michael aren't - C.Ht., NLMP, speaker, consultant, NLP Trainer, hypnotherapist, TV host and a personal empowerment coach.)

So, what to do? Where to go? How do you break free? If it were all so simple, I suppose, emotional abuse would not exsist. We wouldn't let ourselves fall prey to abusers. This is where i would like to list some signs of an emotionally abusive person.

*Tells lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas
*Accuses and blames to divert attention away from them selves
*Refuses to take another's point of view and irrationally defends their point of view
*Withholds information so the abused will look bad later on. ("you should have known that")
*Not acknowledging another's feeling
*Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner. Allows the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive.
*Changing the subject to divert attention from them selves
*Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser.
*Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse
*Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self)
*Inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame)
*Controlling others to domineer and limit the freedom or expression
*Forgetting commitments and promises.
*Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser.
*Taking advantage of ones weakness or using shame, guilt or fear against another
*Manipulating another person against their will
*Inappropriate submissive actions
*Cutting some one off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression.
*Eliminating self choice
*Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response
*Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons
*Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them
*Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations or activities

If you recognize yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship, the first thing I ask you to do is talk to someone. Not necessarily someone who knows you and the abuser. (Abusers are good at coming off as *charming and wonderful*) Talking to someone close to you might make you feel worse. I have done a bit of research and found a few numbers to call just to "talk." That is one step in the right direction. It is a long hard road, it is not easy. I am still trying to break free from the strangles of emotional abuse! I know it makes you feel literally crazed at times. Please make that step and reach out to someone. "Just talk..." 866-718-9995, 1-800-799-SAFE, 1-800-656-HOPE
Blessings~

originally seen at:
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art12442.asp
re-printed with permission all rights belong to the author

Bio: Raquel Davis is an abuse activist. She is the  Abuse Surviviors Editor at Bellaonline.com.