When I was growing up, I thought women were wimps. They were second class citizens whose happiness depended on being married and having children.  It amazes me that my mother’s generation who worked in factories, braved emigration, and who tirelessly kept home and hearth together during WWII became so complacent when the men returned home from the front.  Oh, there was a fire there; I could see it in their eyes when they got dressed up for Saturday night dances. I remember my mother and other women wearing peasant blouses that had elastic necklines that could be pulled low and warn off the shoulders without slipping down.  I remember curled hair, red lipstick and high-heeled wooden platform shoes (that I notice have come back into style). They used a muted sexuality to entice men into staying as the breadwinner of the family. Their fire also took the form of a fierce, controlling form of unconditional love directed at protecting the family.

One example of a fierce women is my ex-mother-en-law, Ruthie. From the moment she woke up in the morning, until she went to bed at night, her primary concern was her family.  She had a part-time job, cooked, cleaned (everyday and then REALLY cleaned on Saturday), washed, ironed, shopped, made sandwiches, bought clothing and took charge of everyone’s lives, especially their emotional lives.  She was the mother-confessor.  When you told Ruthie a problem, you knew she was absorbing every word. Christiane Northrup writes about how women are centripetal forces; their energy patterns run counter clockwise, drawing things into them. That was Ruthie. She enveloped you. Of course, in the beginning of my marriage to her son, there were times I thought she was stifling. It took almost until the end of the marriage for me to realize that her coming over to my house, whipping on her apron and cleaning, was a form of love, not control. By the way, she also had a drop dead gorgeous body.  It was all that cleaning. Carrying a vacuum up and down stairs builds muscle and burns fat.  Sometimes I think if I did that more, I wouldn’t have to put in so much time at the gym, but that’s another story.

I write about Ruthie because of the role I’m moving into - what Joan Borysenko calls the Guardian Stage.  As the Guardian, I’m now in awe of women.  Yes, even my own mother.  There have been some recent anthropology books published about the role of women as preservers of society.  These books point out that historically, those tribes that thrived were the ones where women were active in gathering roots and berries, and where there were a large number of grandmothers to take care of the children. In other words, women provided the foundation for the tribe to grow.  The Guardian role is about "taking care of and the need to give back and preserve." The Guardian Stage is also accompanied by increased levels of testosterone.  It takes balls to be a Guardian.  It takes balls to know what’s good for the children and to act on it.

Which brings me back to my original point. The generation of women I thought were wimps, were the foundation of a society based on the values of love and caring, no matter how neurotic the forms of love may have been. I did not see that at the time I was growing up, of course. I saw women’s lives as meaningless and empty and I wanted something more.  But, as Joan Borysenko says, women are relational by nature. So consciousness raising groups and wearing pants to work were only surface characteristics of the late ‘60's and early ‘70's. Underneath, women were still putting others before themselves, because they are biologically programmed to carry other’s people’s stuff.  Women began carrying not only home and family, but the workforce and the economy. They still are. No wonder so many women I know are tired.

So now, as we are at the beginning of the next 1000 years on this planet, I want to acknowledge all women for being who they are; soft and strong; flexible and unyielding.  I thank you for carrying the burden you’ve been carrying. I thank you for transmitting love and tenderness from generation to generation.  I thank you for letting me be part of this great sisterhood, even though I may not always have liked you.  And most of all, I’d like you to forgive me for ever thinking you were wimps.

 
BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION SORAH STRUM DUBITSKY, Ph.D.

Dr. Sorah Strum Dubitsky has a Ph.D. in Applied Psychology with a specialty in mind/body science. She is a writer, teacher, and lecturer on all areas of spirituality and self-help including stress management, relationships, women’s issues, creativity and personal productivity. She is Founder of Miracle Journeys Magazine. Her background includes 18 years of corporate work-life in New York City including executive recruiting, advertising agency account management, and publishing. She has been conducting inspirational workshops and lectures for 20 years.  She began Miracle Journeys magazine as an 8_page, 1000 print newsletter in 1997. Miracle Journeys now circulates 40,000 copies, in three counties and has become an all-glossy, four color publication that continues to inspire and educate readers. Dr. Dubitsky is also the co-producer of the Enlighten Up television series that appeared on WLRN Public Television, Channel 17 from 2000-2001.  The shows featured Brian Weiss, Wayne Dyer, Barbara Brennan, Joan Borysenko, Edgar Mitchell, as well as other nationally known figures in the field of holistic health and healing. She can also be heard on her radio show, Get-Real Radio on WAXY 790 AM every Wednesday night from 5-6 pm.